Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
