Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This house was built for laser tag.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
