just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
