He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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