They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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