You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
