it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
