SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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