Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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