I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
