You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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