i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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