He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
