OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Someone shattered a urinal.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
