life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
