Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
