this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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