apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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