I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
