I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
