her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
