C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
