I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
