So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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