Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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