so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
