His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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