i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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