I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
