you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
