i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
