debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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