Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
