Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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