He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Your dad touched me again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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