Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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