There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
