I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
