The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
