this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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