I need help removing her.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
