marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
