I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
