I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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