John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
