is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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