Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
