A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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