Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
