Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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